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Answers to Frequently Asked Questions

The only thing I can remember that has been asked for multiple times, besides the File itself, are the lyrics for "Suicide Is Painless" (the theme from M*A*S*H). Here it is:

"Suicide is Painless"
Words by Mike Altman
Music by Johnny Mandel

Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see that

Chorus: Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make
All our little joys relate
Without that ever-present hate
But now I know that it's too late, and


The game of life is hard to play
I'm going to lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
And this is all I have to say, that


The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
And to another give a seat
For that's the only painless feat, cause


The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger - watch it grin


A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be?
And I replied, "Oh why ask me?", cause


And you can do the same thing if you please.